Coming Clean
by selte
Summary: It's all over for Adam and Jeff, and now it's time for Adam to come clean to Matt. First time effort, constructive criticism very much appreciated. [first chapter, rest will follow soon]


Title: Coming Clean  
  
Author: selte  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.  
  
Content: implied m/m  
  
Characters: Edge, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy  
  
Spoilers: none  
  
Author's note: This is the first fic I've uploaded, and I would appreciate constructive feedback on it, if you have the time. I'm not intent on writing explicit slash in this one, you'll be glad/saddened to learn.  
  
The only measure he had of what he'd lost was the space it left, though what he'd had - and lost - he couldn't define if his life depended on it. Whatever label you wanted to put on it, it was over the moment Jeff left for home. Adam sighed heavily, the sound seeming to linger in the dark, silent hotel room. Obviously, it had to end then, it was business, purely business, their arrangement and it worked well. But as he stared up at the featureless ceiling, he couldn't help but wonder if Jeff knew he'd taken Adam's soul with him when he left.  
  
The empty hotel room was the biggest reminder he had of him, the space Jeff should have been in a constant emptiness that Adam couldn't help but sink into over and over. His eyes wandered over to the fading sunlight barely visible through cracks in the heavy duty curtains, and back across to the harsh red of the digital clock - still reasonably early. He knew there'd be no sleep coming for him now his mind was back on Jeff, so he allowed himself one more self-pitying sigh before pulling some clothes on and going to rejoin his colleagues at the bar he knew they'd still be at.  
  
The bar that had been full to capacity only an hour and a half earlier was now almost deserted. He ran his eyes round the remaining drinkers as he waited for his drink, and recognising no-one took a table in the corner. Private, but somewhere he could do a spot of people-watching. He took a swig from his beer, and sunk into the surprisingly comfortable chair. It was odd for his friends to be off to their rooms so early, but it'd been a long few days, so perhaps not that surprising. As he thought back over the evening's wrestling, he was jolted back into reality by another bottle being slammed down beside his own.  
  
"This a private party, or can I sit down?". Matt Hardy stood and cocked his head slightly at Adam, who looked up with a slight smile and wordlessly kicked a chair out from under the table as an invitation to sit which Matt gladly took. Truth be told, he hadn't spoken to Matt much since Jeff had left - they were too alike. As much as he respected Matt as a professional, and liked him as a person, the little habits he and Jeff shared were painful to Adam's still freshly bruised heart. Any company would beat no company right now, and Adam resolved right there and then to make a fresh start with the Hardy who hadn't hurt him. The others had gone up to some club in the city, Matt explained, though he hadn't fancied it. They made small talk, touching on everything from business to their respective families. The cold beer flowed easily down their throats, and the silence, like the conversation, was easy.  
  
"Listen, Adam ... I know it's been rough for you since Jeff went", Matt finally blurted out an hour or so after they'd sat down. The mention of Jeff's name, which hadn't come up in their earlier conversation, made Adam suddenly on edge: what did Matt know? He realised he was staring directly into Matt's brown eyes, which were filled with a mix of concern and curiosity, and purposefully held his gaze for seconds that seemed like forever, trying to figure out what he knew. It's not that he was ashamed of his relationship with Jeff - as he kept reminding himself, it was just an arrangement, a convenience, but if it was all so simple, why did he feel so bad now?  
  
It must have happened before. In fact, at times he was sure there were others with the same sort of arrangement going on, but gay convenience sex between the talent wasn't a subject that was ever discussed. It was an odd situation in some ways, but it made perfect sense to them. They were away from their homes so often, for so long, and sex with the ever-present groupies was easy but so much more effort overall. So yes, assuming they were away from home, hadn't seen any groupies they wanted, were both horny as hell after a show, and both had a few drinks in them, then they'd have no-strings sex. Neither Adam or Jeff were gay, but it didn't really matter that much, both were open minded enough and young enough to think of sexuality as an occasionally useful concept, not a definition to stick to. After the first few times, the alcohol didn't really figure into it - they wanted each other anyway. More and more, they would sleep in each others arms, rather than retreating to their own beds so they could sleep sprawled out comfortably. And after a month or two, the half-hearted search for someone else to share their beds was discontinued, and one or other of their beds remained empty every time.  
  
Adam dropped his gaze, suddenly becoming very interested in the bottle he held in his hands. Jeff and Matt were close, yes, but he couldn't imagine Jeff sharing that particular secret with his brother. Not knowing how much he knew, he remained silent while he tried to get the words together to reply to the questions he had seen in Matt's eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by Matt.  
  
"Jeff's back home. Misses the wrestling, I think. He's definitely missing something else too." said Matt, never taking his eyes from Adam. After a second, he continued, his normally confident attitude hidden for now. "He won't tell me what's up, and he said try asking you. So tell me, please. I worry about him, you know?".  
  
Adam knew. Jeff idolised his brother. It was time to come clean, and he lifted his eyes back up, meeting Matt's gaze still filled with confusion. He exhaled slowly and evenly, but was again cut off by Matt.  
  
"Tell me, Adam. Is he having girl trouble or something?"  
  
Despite the desperation Matt was radiating, Adam couldn't help but laugh. It was probably the first time he'd properly laughed since Jeff had left, and once he started, he couldn't stop. A small, confused smile crept onto Matt's lips, and more from the sight of Adam half-slumped on the table giggling like a child than anything else, he couldn't help but join in. Him laughing set Adam back off, and for a short while the two of them sat laughing at each other. Adam downed the rest of his beer, clasped his hands together and after taking a short glance round to check no-one else was in earshot, he finally spoke.  
  
"Matt, there's no girl trouble. It was only ever me and Jeff. Only us." The words tumbled out. Everything he'd wanted to say but thought better of somehow had to be said now, instantly. A mix of depression and alcohol loosened Adam's tongue, and in his sudden burst of courage he wanted it all out on the open now. The words continued to spill forth, and he was almost unable to stop them. "It was just a bit of fun. Not serious. A quick fuck, you know? But now he's not here and I miss him, Matt. I miss him. I love him. I love him and I want him here with me now. He's gone, and it's over, and I never told him".  
  
Some of it was as much of a shock to Adam as it was to the silent, frozen, Matt on the other side of the table. There was silence as they both digested the information, and now barely audible, Adam softly added "I never told him I loved him.", as he shook his head sadly, feeling a sudden sting as tears welled in his eyes.  
  
The damage done, the silence turned from stunned to expectant, and he defiantly met Matt's eyes, almost daring him to speak, to punch him, to do something at least. React. But he sat perfectly still and perfectly silent, still digesting the information he'd had thrown at him.  
  
"Nice talking to you, Adam", said Matt in flat and even tones. He slid his beer away, and slowly rose to his feet. "I've got to ... do some stuff now. See y'around". And with that, Matt almost ran out the bar, his cell phone already raised to his ear.  
  
Sitting alone once more, Adam cursed to himself. What had he said? What was Matt going to do? And how would Jeff react to his secret being spilled to his kin.  
  
Finding his own bottle empty, he picked up Matt's half-finished beer and downed it, immediately flagging the barman to bring him another. Considering the situation, it was definitely the best plan of action for the moment. 


End file.
